Don't Send Me Flowers – Miss Lolo

Don't Send Me Flowers

My blog this week follows on from a post I did earlier last week in regards to how to deal with a friend who is diagnosed with Cancer. I fielded a lot of questions around what to say and what to do to help so have decided to put together a list of 13 simple Do’s and Don’ts:

 

  1. Please don’t send us flowers. While we totally realise you don’t know what to say and are trying to be nice, looking at a house filled of flowers simply reminded me that I was really effing sick. Then they died and make you feel even crappier. 
  1. Do not, I repeat DO NOT ask the following questions; What are your chances of survival? How long do you have left? If I need to explain why then you’re an idiot and I can’t help you. 
  1. Do not say “Oh no you’re going to lose your hair!” in a tone that resembles shock, horror or despair. It’s by far and away the least of our worries. Did I mention we’ve just been diagnosed with Cancer!? Stuff the bloody hair! 
  1. Do not (and this is a biggie!) tag us in Cancer posts on Facebook or send us links to read on miracle cures. If I had one more person try and sell me freaking some purple rice crap I was about to shove it up their …. 
  1. Do not tell us cancer was caused due to our lifestyle, religious beliefs or stress levels. We are stressed enough when diagnosed and may just punch you. 
  1. Do not refer to chemo at any point as ‘poison’ that does not make us excited for the next treatment when we really should be as it’s shrinking the bastard. Asking about our next treatment or referring to it as medicine makes it much more palatable. 
  1. Do send us flowers when we finish chemo or get our first 1-year clearance from the oncologist. That’s worth celebrating. 
  1. Do send us a txt message to acknowledge your thinking of us BUT then continue the conversation about regular stuff (Family gossip, latest news at work, the Block contestants). ANYTHING so that we’re not stuck being reminded that we have cancer. 
  1. Do be excited about wig shopping. Even better come with us, make it something to look forward to and have some fun trying on crazy hairstyles. Or buy us a rad headscarf for us to rock. 
  1. Do offer to do the school pick-ups and drop-offs. One we generally look like assholes and would rather avoid the looks of pity, and two it’s a really massive help! 
  1. Do turn up with a bottle of wine and tissues. Yes, we can (more times than not) still enjoy a glass or two of wine and god knows we could do with the stress release. 
  1. Do turn up on the weekend and take our kids to Jump (or somewhere equally as entertaining). This is a godsend as one we feel crap for not being able to do stuff with our kids and two we really need to sleep. 
  1. PLEASE turn up with good home-made dinners. Having a freezer of dinners that I could simply pop in the oven for the kids was a life-saver! 

Finally, just be there. Don’t be scared to show up even if you may cry (we’re used to it).

Miss Lolo xx

 


6 comments

  • what a brilliant list. ..says it all!

    kathryn clout
  • Can I add, don’t tell us how lucky we are that we caught it early. Having cancer doesn’t make anyone lucky!

    Jackie
  • Thanks for this! My mum just got diagnosed on 11th July and is having her mastectomy next week… I’m so scared for her, but trying to read as much as I can so I can be of some practical use to her through this journey… so glad you’re doing well… P.S. love your work & Lolo really is my name hahaha take care & go well xx

    Lolo
  • Great list! I was lucky enough to not have any idiots say anything awful that made we want to punch them, but I would have loved some more helm and your suggestions are great.

    Sara Speight
  • Loved it all lol I have one to add . Don’t say as they look at your head that’s bald with big wide eyes " You’re still Beeeeuuuutiful " I’m thinking iriot I never doubted it I’m rockin the bald and lol your boobs look amazing makes me dream about mine in a year or two sari

    Sari Lamborn

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