I have four daughters; two of which I pushed out the natural way the other two I inherited from my husband. He jokes that I fell in love with his two-year old twin daughters before I did with him. And he’s 100% accurate, I did.
Yip, I join the huge percentage of adults nowadays who are step-parents.
While being a step-parent in today’s society is essentially the norm, what I’ve established isn’t the norm is actually getting on with the ex and the ex’s new partner. But that’s how life is for us. Yes, we attend school parent/teacher interviews together, take the kids to Ed Sheeran concerts together, go to each-others Christmas parties and (shock horror) are Facebook buddies.
There are loads of perks when you put all the crap aside and get along for the benefit of the kids. My favourite is confusing the other parents and teachers at the school by pretending you’re a lesbian couple at the parent/teacher interviews (It seems to be more believable than the other option of a biological mother getting on with the stepmother!).
Don’t get me wrong it’s not easy making that decision to just get on, there is loads of stuff that needs to be put to one side (namely your pride). When you stand back at look at the situation with fresh eyes you’ll learn that the ex or the ex’s partner is more than likely not a complete moron, actually has the same fundamental core beliefs of raising the children to be decent human beings and while their life may be different from yours at the end of the day they’re not bad people.
You don’t always have to see eye-to-eye when you’re raising children in a split family environment. Heck, I don’t see eye-to-eye with my husband 100% of the time! I raise my children differently from my neighbours, from my sister and from my best friend but what we do all have in common is that we raise our children in the best way we can.
What I can say as a parent of both biological children and step-children is that when those walls come down and the parents put their differences aside we are able to raise children that don’t feel pulled between homes or forced to take sides. They see respect between all four parents and more importantly feel the love and security of two homes. When you’re a parent raising kids in this day and age with pressures coming at them from every side the best thing we can do is act like adults and bloody get on. So open a bottle of wine and cheers each other knowing that each side is doing the damn best job they can in raising those kids.
Miss Lolo xx