The School Mum

As a mother of four daughters myself the daily school run has become a mere formality (no I don’t have nannies or an au pair or anything of the like for those who ask). I do it myself. Shock horror.

Now, normally this act of dropping one’s own children to the local school wouldn’t harbour any need for anxiety … but as I pull into the carpark every morning I quickly glance left and right to check where the “cool mums” are. Swear to god I’m not the only one who does this! You know the clicky group of about 5 mums who loiter together every bloody morning and every bloody afternoon in their freaking Lululemon gear (who even knows if they hit the gym afterwards) swaddling their almond milk decaf flat white and gesticulating wildly about their champagne filled weekend in Waiheke. These women scare the crap out of me!

I make a beeline for the best route around said “cool group”, a route in which eye contact can be avoided, trivial conversations ignored and I can get my kids into their classrooms without hassle. Sometimes I make it other times I get caught. This is the actual worst. ‘Damn it I’ve accidentally made eye contact, now I’m forced to smile and nod politely while trying to plan my escape route back to the safety of the car.’

On the odd occasion I have been caught I feel much like I’m being seconded into a cult much like Gloriavale (be it much cooler with more expensive wine) and it brings back horrible memories circa early 90’s at Gisborne Girls High when the “cool kids” would approach the weird artsy kids (me) and ask if we’d like to join them in their group (why this was ever going to be better than the group I was sitting with I’m still unsure). With comments like “Coby finds you funny, you should sit by Coby”. “Nope quite happy being the weird artsy kid who wears negligees (don’t ask!) to school thanks”.

As you get older you realise life is just one big school playground. There are cool kids, weird kids, arty kids all sorts of bloody kids. And you know what I’m much happier being the slightly weird tattoed up mum that works her ass off day in day out.

Miss Lolo xx


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